


You've Already Got A Notion

by skintightsocks



Series: Perfect In My Mind [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-16
Updated: 2011-06-16
Packaged: 2017-10-21 16:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skintightsocks/pseuds/skintightsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Fine, you're a sex pervert with a heart of gold, Puck, whatever. But I don't appreciate you two taking advantage of Blaine's trusting nature." AKA: Puck and Lauren try to recruit Blaine into their Twilight roleplay. It goes about as well as can be expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Already Got A Notion

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song 'The Church of Hot Addiction' by Cobra Starship.

  
Kurt sighs, tossing his bag to the floor in disgust before rolling his eyes and picking it up because he can't handle the idea of it just lying in the middle of the floor. He falls backwards onto his bed and glares at the ceiling. Today had, in a word, sucked. He's pretty sure he speaks better French than his AP French teacher, his locker is inconveniently located away from both Mercedes _and_ the girl's bathroom, and Glee had been a _disaster_. Mr. Schue's making them sing songs about beginnings during the entire first week of school, and today he had to sit through Finn and Rachel doing a painful duet of _Turn! Turn! Turn!_ , Sam doing a confusing acoustic reworking of _Thunder Road_ , and Puck and Tina sobbing their way through a rendition of _First Day Of My Life_ dedicated to Lauren and Mike.

Kurt, personally, is planning to wait for Friday and then blow everyone out of the water by singing a mash-up of _Changes_ and _Starman_ in full Ziggy Stardust regalia. He hasn't really explored glam rock yet, but after Blaine made him watch _Velvet Goldmine_ he feels like there's a lot he can do with the entire era. Besides, he already has a silver bodysuit due to a shipping mishap back when he was trying to decide on a Gaga outfit and an awesome Ben Nye pallet he's been dying to use.

Kurt's phone buzzes on his hip, and he wiggles it out of his pocket and grins when he sees Blaine's name. However, his grin quickly falls when he reads the message. _Lauren's place is on w harris right?_

 _Why are you going to Lauren's?_ Kurt replies, wary.

 _She said she needed me to help her and puck choreograph a number!!!_ Blaine sends back a minute or so later, and oh god. He was right to be wary.

 _This didn't seem odd to you?_ Kurt sends, already standing up to grab his bag and dump his textbooks out on his bed.

 _No, i'm an excellent dancer_ , Blaine replies as Kurt's grabbing his keys and heading for the garage. His phone buzzes again as he's getting into his car. _Nvm, found it!_

"Oh god," Kurt whispers to himself. He may already be too late.

-

Kurt doesn't even bother to knock at Lauren's house. Puck's bragged - loudly, several times - about how Lauren's parents are never home before 10 P.M., and, well. Kurt knows what kind of things happen in that room. He doesn't have time to waste.

His suspicions are confirmed the moment he throws open Lauren's door. Which, really? At least lock it.

"Oh heeeeeey," Lauren says, dragging the word out like there might be any possible way she could come up with some kind of lie for what Kurt is seeing.

"Oh hey, Kurt!" Blaine says happily. He's sitting in a chair in front of Lauren's mirror with half of his hair straightened in a way that makes Kurt cringe. "Lauren's doing my hair."

"I can see that," Kurt says tightly. "She's literally holding the smoking gun. Oh, wait, I mean iron."

"Hey babe, is the tattoo supposed to go on the left or the right arm because-- oh shit," Puck finishes as he walks out of the bathroom and sees Kurt standing in the doorway to Lauren's room.

"'Oh shit' is _right_ ," Kurt snaps, stepping out of the doorway and pointing angrily at Lauren's bed. Puck slinks over and sits down. He's in tight jeans and nothing else, and he's still holding the stupid fake tribal tattoo.

"Wait, why's everyone mad all of a sudden?" Blaine asks. "I thought we were just practicing that Destiny's Child number. I'm Beyonce," he explains to Kurt. "That's why Lauren's straightening my hair."

"Uh huh," Kurt says, glaring at her. "Completely putting aside Beyonce's _myriad_ of hairstyles over the years, Blaine, when has she ever worn a trench coat?"

"In the _Ring The Alarm_ video," Blaine says. And oh, crap. Right. Leave it to Blaine to be knowledgeable in the most inconvenient way possible right now.

"Well she's certainly never worn them with combat boots and black jeans that 1989 would scoff at," Kurt says, and Blaine looks down, making a confused face.

"Good point," he says, turning to Lauren. "I think we need to work on these costumes."

"In what possible universe would Puck need to be shirtless for this?" Kurt asks. He would rather Blaine come to the conclusion instead of having to spell it out, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen anytime soon. He really needs to work on teaching Blaine to be more suspicious of other people's motives.

"I don't know," Blaine shrugs. "There are usually shirtless guys around in Destiny's Child and Beyonce videos. Plus, Puck's usually shirtless anyway."

"That's true," Puck says, flexing his arms and kissing his bicep obnoxiously.

" _Blaine_ ," Kurt says, ignoring Puck completely. "Seriously? Do you not remember what I told you? At the hotel?"

"Kurt," Blaine says, blushing, "I don't think now's really the time to--"

"About Lauren and Puck. And the reason Puck was using his fake ID to get our room for us? And how it wasn't from the good of his heart?"

"Whatever, that was totally part of it," Puck says, sounding genuinely hurt.

"Fine, you're a sex pervert with a heart of gold, Puck, whatever. But I don't appreciate you two taking advantage of Blaine's trusting nature."

"He was going to have fun too," Lauren protests.

"Are you seriously trying to make me feel better by telling me that you were going to make sure the threesome you two tried to trick my boyfriend into was going to be _good for him_?" Kurt snaps. "Seriously?"

"We were gonna make him leave before it got to the sex, dude, don't worry," Puck says from the bed.

"Sure," Lauren says, coughing. "Sure we were."

"Oh, wait," Blaine pipes up. "Am I supposed to be Edward?"

"Yeah," Lauren sighs. "Your eyes are perfect, but the hair is just not working. That's why we wanted Kurt first, his hair is _perfect_."

"It is really great," Blaine says, nodding.

"Thank you," Kurt says, smiling sweetly at them both for a minute before remembering why he's there in the first place. "That doesn't change the fact that you lured Blaine here under false pretenses, though," he says, stepping forward and grabbing Blaine's hand, tugging him up. "Where are your clothes, honey?" he asks, trying unsuccessfully to pat the flat spikes of hair on the right side of Blaine's head down.

"In the bathroom," Blaine says, already heading there to change. Kurt really loves his boyfriend sometimes.

"Leave the coat on the counter," Lauren calls. "I had to trade three limited-run Hot Topic Twilight shirts for that."

"You need a new hobby," Kurt says. "Like, seriously."

"Back off my lady, Hummel," Puck says. "She's like super popular on the internet because she knows everything about Twilight and wrote an awesome story about Edward and Jacob getting it on."

"I... I can't," Kurt says, because he literally can _not_ process what he just heard right now paired with the fact it was coming from Puck's mouth. "Hurry up, Blaine," he calls desperately. The longer he stays in this room the more nervous he feels. Like he's a gazelle, and Puck and Lauren are weird, horny lions.

"It really is sad," Lauren says, stepping closer and running her hand through Kurt's hair before he can swat her hand away. "You would be _so_ perfect. The skin. The hair. We could get you contacts."

"You are proving my point," Kurt says nervously.

"What point?" Puck asks. Kurt doesn't trust the look in his eyes, like he's considering it.

"No point," Kurt says. "Stay on the bed."

"Okay, I tried to wet my hair in the sink, but it's not really curling back up," Blaine says, stepping out of the bathroom in his own clothes, thank god. "I think it's broken."

"Let's go home and fix that," Kurt says, squirming away from Lauren and rushing toward Blaine, taking his elbow and steering him quickly out of the room.

"Keep walking," he hisses. "Don't look back."

"Kurt, I think you're kind of--"

"Do you think we could get Mike Chang to dye his hair?" Kurt hears Lauren ask when they're halfway down the steps.

"Maybe," Puck says. "He owes me for that time we loaned him and Tina our--"

"La la la la!" Blaine says loudly, stepping quickly down the steps. "La la!"

"Good instincts," Kurt says once they're out the door.

"Yeah," Blaine says shakily. "Yeah. Thanks for saving me."

"Anytime, honey," Kurt says, kissing Blaine's cheek as they stop at Blaine's car. "Follow me back to my place? I'll fix your hair and we can cuddle with the door open until you've recovered."

"I'm not, like, _traumatized_ ," Blaine says, rolling his eyes.

"Well, I am," Kurt says. "That was a close one. Never agree to be alone with Puck and Lauren, okay? And use caution with Mike and Tina. Actually, call me if you're ever going to be alone with Mike and Tina. I don't trust your judgment."

"I love you too," Blaine says exaggeratedly, pressing a loud kiss to Kurt's lips.

"You know what I mean," Kurt says, squeezing at Blaine's hip before he turns to head for his own car.

"Kurt," Blaine calls after him as _Supermassive Black Hole_ starts to blare loudly from Lauren's window. "Maybe we ought to call Mike and warn him."

"Probably a good idea," Kurt says, wincing.

  



End file.
